Am I insane or just at breaking point?

Am I insane or just at breaking point?

Does medication make you look weak, are you wanting to change yourself or just clinically insane?

The question is constantly on my mind when I think about the option of taking the plunge into prescribed help. I’m unsure of what steps to take to help improve myself or whether I should continue living my life trying to get through the day without a mind-numbing breakdown or intense panic attack. It’s not so much the daily torment of mental health issues but the rollercoaster of highs and lows that frankly leave me exhausted, dizzy and a little paranoid

I know that medication is the final step that the NHS is wanting you to turn to but I feel I have found my last resort. Mental health has been something I have dealt with for a lot of my teen years going from counselling to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ) to nothing in a loop of extensive highs and lows that push me between exhaustion and motivation in a constant cycle of discovering my ‘true’ self.

I decided to challenge my uninformed and kinda bizarre outlook on medication before I dived into hassling my doctors for a prescription. Lookingat myself from an outsiders perspective, I find it extremely puzzling that someone so big on, making it easier to get mental health support and trying to improve awareness and alter the stigma is so apprehensive about something that helps so many people around the world. Let’s not forget it’s something that a lot of people will take within their lifetime and see improved results from.

The idea of medication has been in and out of my life for years, suggested by my partner who has had the brutal, unforgiving and undoubtedly honour of being at the forefront of every singlebreakdown, every single what I can only call ‘paddy’ and every panic induced tear outburst in the middle of the most unfortunate places. He’s suffered my tears, anger and unforgiving words, so reasonably there’s no doubt, he urged me to try anything that could control or subdue my unpredictable mood swings and the hurtful idea that I didn’t belong on this planet at all.

It’s going to change who YOU are:

I’m unsure of my source but I have had it in my head that medication for mental health will change you as a person, you will become a robot with no feelings and will be able to walk aroundkilling puppies or something (highly unrealistic and a bit far-fetched). Which has been the biggest fear as to why I haven’t pushed this before, I’m a little worried about what I will be if I decide medication is the right step to take.

Taking The Leap

Although I’m now aware that the above is nowhere near factually correct. The medication doesn’t change who you are it just gives you the space to continue. For example, if you are a quiet person you will always be a quiet person. I decided that I needed a little extra help and this was the last attempt to survive in any kind of full-time employment so I decided that I would try them out and I have now been taking these for just over three weeks. I’m not sure there’s been much difference for everyone else but I find myself more open talking with people I vaguely know, and strangely feeling a little drunk.



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