I have had what feels like the entirety of my strength and awake-ness being knocked out of me this week, I’m tired, heavy headed and battling confusion and sadness in a whirlwind of emotion. I’m breathless with the structure of our current world and how we have hidden for months at a time then be let free into the world to cope with the return of everything else. I had lost myself in trying to get back to ‘normal’ and pushed myself to the extreme with fitness, education and work mushed together in a body that was so used to furlough that I have fallen trap to back to work deprivation.
I have been one of what I expect to be many that are faced with a sudden shock to the system as we begin to return to a new type of ‘normal’. A normal where we are looking at everything in a new light, where it can be a little scary as we step in the office again after a long period away, whole new load of anxieties flood in regarding health and cleanliness that have never even entered your mind beforehand. An anxiety about leaving the house all together after months of isolations for those who were shielding. Then it’s the mask smugness that is thrown in our faces every time we enter a shop, why aren’t you wearing a mask?! We become judgey and outspoken when really, we have no idea the circumstances it makes me hate it all the more.
For me I have been placed in a position where I wanted to achieve so many things – my gym routine upped and heavily weighted, my education reopening and my workload increasing to be stepped back into a five day week has pushed my body into sleep mode and backed in to a corner of slow down even if I’m capable of this and more. I’m in the mindset that I have missed so many goal opportunities because of lack of movement and motivation over the last six months simply because I’ve been unable to leave the house that I must make up for every kg, assignment or seo that I’ve missed. The sudden increase of normality has hit me like a brick, broken my sleeping pattern totally and ruined my binge-watching capabilities to next to nil.
I feel 2020 has been one of the most difficult and mind opening years we’ve had to contend with, on one hand we’ve been isolated and broken by covid and on the other we’ve been brought to the attention of how important the little things we used to take advantage of are. How seeing our family has overtaken the desire to stand in a club. How quizzing has become equivalent to a cuddle. This year is far from over and Covid will continue to be in the forefront of our minds for a long time, this period of our lives will be used as excuses, remembered and hated but it is also a time where many of us have improved, loved and managed our daily lives incredibly.